I've curated this index over the past few years
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To make it on the list the word must both have an interesting meaning and sound beautiful when spoken out loud
Abattoir
Acquiesce
Adorn
Aesthetic
Aggrieved
Aggress
Agony
Ajar
Ameliorate
Ambient
Anthemic
Apocryphal / apocrypha
Apparition
Aphorism
Ares
Artemis
Arc
Archetypal
Arcane
Ashen
Assert
Avaricious
Bathos
Beckon
Beholden
Cascade
Carapace
Cellar
Cerebral
Concubine
Conquest
Conundra
Coil
Covetous
Dawn
Drab
Despondent
Dreary
Devour
Don
Disconsolate
Drag
Eclipse
Enchiridion
Entomb
Ennui
Envelope (as a verb)
Esoteric
Eternal
Ephemeral
Exile
Exsanguinated
Finery
Furtive
Garment
Gaze
Gilded
Gossamer
Incantation/incantatory
Hasten
Honorific
Horizon
Ibis
Immolation
Impudent
Insipid​
Labyrinthine
Longing
Lucifer
Malignant
Meridian
Miasma
Mosaic
Moonset
Monolith
Noumenal
Obscure
Paralipsis
Parallel
Parlor
Parliament
Parcel
Parse
Parrhesiastic
Pejorative
Pendulous
Penumbra
Perdition
Perseverating
Placid
Plunk
Plunge
Polyhedral
Poseidon
Promethean
Promenade
Prophetic
Qualms​
Quell
Ra
Reservoir
Resonant
Ruliad
Scant
Serenity
Shibboleth
Squalid
Sordid
Soliloquy
Supplant
Surreptitious
Surreal
Surrender
Suspire
Spectral
Sachet
Tethered
Thicket
Thoth
Vacant
Vacillate
Verdant
Velour
Vellicate
Veiled
Viscera
Unravel
Umbral
Unhinged
Unchaste
Unmoored
Ziggurat
S E L E C T E D P O E M S
Modes of Transcendence
I journal mostly in an adapted Haiku structure - these passages are my tether to the past and a way that I wrestle with thought and experience; to keep myself from drifting too far from shore
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They are organized thematically into modes of transcendence. They can be read in quick succession, or interspersed with moments of deep reflection... just be careful not to float away by accident
Personhood and the Divine
1/10/2024
I glow from within
The wound is where light enters
That’s what Rumi says
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6/12/2020 At the edge of grandmas bed staring out the window over my grandfathers hospice bed
What’s your name again?
I want him to get better
Is your name Calvin?
​
your feet on my thigh
I’m staring out the window
We all hold our breath
I lie beside you
Wind blows across the golf course
We’re alone for now
​
4/29
I have been broken
I fill the cracks with gold glue
Kintsugi man
12/25/2020 eldersitting my now widowed grandmother​
Today was Christmas
I came to babysit you
Like you had for me
​
You and I alone
In your home where I grew up
No party this year
​
No snow on the ground
No tree, lit in the corner
No smell of cooking
​
I pluck the guitar
We smile absentmindedly
Sing about snowmen
​
A spark of interest
Suddenly you’re animate
And I feel alive
​
You’re my oldest friend
We share a brief knowing gaze
Things are going well
​
I love you, I wave
You’ve seen me leave many times
It’s nothing special
​
I can barely walk
Saying goodbye is easy
Leaving you kills me
​
I weep in the car
And bake chocolate brownies
And write poetry
8/6/23
At the Waffle House
There’s nothing behind these eyes
An evening tailspin
​
Higher powers call,
Thanks god, I got it from here
A hash brown nosedive
Synesthesia
1/19/22
A dainty lychee
Lavender lemon bubbles
My virginity
Chamomile pisco
Benedictine vacation
Citrus tree garden
Underwhelming kiss
A locomotives windshield
Cloudsoaked evergreens
Synesthetic sleep
My dreams are filled with flavor
These sounds taste like love
Pigeons kiss and coo
We dress for conversation
We drink to good health
Scab on my finger
Half black overhead light bulbs
Dreampop vibrations
Beauty and the Mundane
Date Unknown
Oh how my heart throbs
For that umami flavor
Yummy miso soup
2/9 Stubbing your toe on a chair in the dark
Toe struck in the night
The chair has moved since daylight
By malicious sprites
Infinite expanse
Heat death of the universe
Is too kind a fate
For those conjurors
Depraved iniquitous few
Cloaked fae and oni
Co-conspirators
Who giggle in the darkness
While I wince and curse
2/25 When everything goes right
Bloody foot knuckles
The backs of my thighs burnt red
Left knees all cut up
I’m sticky with sweat
My hairs always in my eyes
Ears filled with water
Ants crawl on my neck
Haven’t had a full nights sleep
In a month at least
roosters, hammers, dogs
Birds, trucks, cars, motorcycles
Sheets fall off the bed
There’s no hot water
The internet is useless
Sinks full of dishes
The toilet is clogged
With somebody else’s shit
My sandals just broke
Joy and Vitality
2/25 - Joy
Where does your love end?
I soak it up through my roots
Until it fills me
Our love overflows
When I’m full I fill others
Through love we all grow
5/5
Real-time nostalgia
I remember the moment
Before it has passed
The fuzzy present
Blurry tactile photograph
I reach out and touch
10/22 Waiting for my lover to descend from her dormitory
Twenty four signals
Flashing in the parking lot
Six cars passing time
The autumn breeze blows
People dance in the windows
While I wait outside
Multicolored rooms
Pinks blues reds orange yellows
I kiss my lover
Exhaustion
5/26
Late night camel chat
I sit awake in the tent
Cold and sand weary
Heavy sleepers snore
My gritty floor mat mocks me
Off time alarms chime
Far off groups giggle
Girls giddy with sleeplessness
Some moan and complain
I hug my knees close
The tent flap sways in the breeze
An arms length away
Outside footsteps crunch
Half past two in the desert
The coffee’s ready
Some suitcase wheels drag
A Diesel bus engine starts
I change into pants
Friendship and Communion
12/20/2021
Wherever I go
I always look forward to
Drinking with friends
1/2/22
When I’m not with you
I’ll miss the me that I am
And the us we were
11/21
Flickering shadows
Friends dancing on the ceiling
Wrestling on the floor
High on cocoa love
The lamps and plants wobbling
Vacation mustache
11/10 Writing to Gabe
Poems in the cold
Like an ember in my chest
They keep me content
I play sad music
It fills the room and my heart
While I fold laundry
The daylight lamp shines
It’s a pale imitation
A white blue falsehood
I lie to my eyes
Every day when I wake up
For twenty minutes
Our correspondence
A thread of truth between us
Poems to and from
A string we tug on
To stir our collective soul
To say I love you
5/27/23
My hammock swaying
Among familiar trees
Robed students pass by
If time’s a river
Then this bend is a sweet one
To be lived deeply
It’s why I’ve come back
To live deeply with my friends
To rejuvenate
Solitude and Woe
9/18
Why am I so sad
Where does my sorrow come from
Will it ever leave?
5/1
I’m alone again
My friends have found new places
My lover has left
Soft hammock of thought
I Relax in solitude
Swaying inwardly
In the minds soft breeze
Strung up between two columns
Order and chaos
5/18/23
I am underslept
From crying myself awake
Early this morning
May 21/2021
This is the moment
When you let go of control
Things are going well
You can relax now
Release the tension; exhale
Everything is calm
Crash; calamity
At the bottom of your sigh
When you’re out of breath
You become pinned down
Held by horrid circumstance
Your beloved dies
Your car is totaled
You are held against your will
You fail and flounder
The futures obscured
You claw the frothy mire
Fresh air eludes you
And then you blackout
And wake up at the bottom
And pray for an end
Kill me; please kill me
You say beneath baited breath
A thoughtless refrain
As you stand back up
And push off the ocean floor
Aiming for sunlight
Humor and The Absurd
7/27
A hot dog cafe
In a hospital basement
On a Tuesday night
Jazz music playing
A sad place for four sad men
The foods fine in hell
2/23
My housemate Leela
Likes unavailable men
This isn’t so bad
Except this last guy
Is so unavailable
That she can’t find him
To break up with him
And give him all his stuff back
What’s a girl to do?
10/24 a paper crane placed in a glass of water
Crane floats in water
Made of paper it dissolves
Fate's cruel humor laughs
Transcending it’s form
Unfolding in nirvana
It ceases to be
How funny it is
That which we desire most
Is our undoing
Date Unknown -I saw a person end their life through extra-vehicular-suicide
That there, is a man
Who’s come to terms with being
And all that entails
Those are his entrails
He walked right into the street
And unbe’d himself
Death and Passage
8/24 12am When Eileen was laid to rest
Rest easy my love
Lie now with your beloved
In the lazy shade
The daylight dancing
Remind us of times passage
And walks by your side
6/26 On Birthdays
Closer to an end
Twice the patience, half the time
Another year passed
3/10 She is beautiful and desirous
Death; my cruel lover
Malignant and covetous
Writes letters daily
Taking many forms
A birds festering carcass
Driftwood on the shore
An old woman’s smile
The wrinkles above my brow
And my clocks soft tick
Xoxox
Cant wait to see you, love death
Ps. I’m coming
6/18 reflecting on time spent at the peace pagoda 3 days before my grandfathers passing
Indubitably
The temple of the Buddha
Goes in a circle
Stroll the path with friends
Shaded by natures glory
‘Till you reach the end
You clearly feel them
The universal ebbs and flows
The patterns in life
I’m open to them
Futures unfold before me
I embrace them all
We stop to reflect
By a calm, placid koi pond
And eat oranges
Speaking of values,
The meaning of character
And life’s brevity
Love and Intimacy
3/20
I am fond of you
Said in lieu of stronger terms
I feel so exposed
3/26
Give me a haiku
She’s lying in the hammock
Making quaint demands
9/20 A brand new flame; a mini skirt with no undergarments
I am behind you
We are walking up the stairs
You give me a show
I feel jittery
Like I’m not supposed to look
I do anyways
8/15
“To live one more day
In a world where this exists
What more could you want”
Her skin still sweaty
I drag my fingers upward
Appreciatively
8/27 Kali suggested we get fresh bread.
Dangerous woman
I see you stealing my heart
I will not stop you
10/15
They say your whole life
Flashes by in a series
Before you pass on
Well I’d skip some parts
If I could relive that twice
I pullI my pants up
11/13 A hug while waiting for the walk sign to turn
King, peasant, princess
In your arms I am all things
The night grows colder
We end our embrace
As the lights signal turns white
I fall from heaven
11/17
The weather grows cold
Too cold for wildflowers
Too cold for most things
Not too cold for love
Sheltered from the elements
In comfy sweaters
Nourished by hot cocoa
And cherished muffled laughter
And warm sentiments
Hatred and Pain
5/1 Holding perfectly still to avoid self-inflicted pain
Flying scorpion
Heavy wings beat the hot air
Tangle in your hair
Do not remove it
Let it untangle itself
It will sting your hand
Wait and feel it writhe
Stuck to the nape of your skull
Tingling your spine
Some thoughts are like this
To avoid the worst result
Stay perfectly still
5/11 A throbbing pain you can’t pin down
Sleepless wanderer
The heats gassy vapors climb
While I toss and turn
Soft panic wobble
A persistent wakefulness
Hot; agitated
Obstacles; dead ends
A third person perspective
Disassociate
Silent black beach dogs
Their pads muffled by the sand
They sprint toward me
A pulled neck muscle
And an unquenchable thirst
I don’t feel myself
I feel fucking cursed
I feel anxious and burnt out
And far from respite
The damp terrors dance
Some faceless problems approach
My head throbs bluntly
3/30
The edge; slippery
And the pit has no bottom
I step with caution
Why am I compelled
To dance with this treachery
I wonder aloud
Mythos
1/26
Sense without concept
The not-I that I am sees
There’s plenty of time
3/22
I lie on a bench
There’s a garden above me
My heartbeat is calm
The garden beckons
I ascend through the ceiling
The ceiling of thought
Lying above thought
I inhabit the garden
The garden of calm
2/8 sitting next to Ra, a man possessed
Walking in our dreams
We forget we are asleep
Sitting in cafes
Drinking wine with friends
I see the beauty in life
I am energy
I’m the universe
Though I have forgotten it
An ancient power
Deep undercurrent
Beneath the visible world
Underneath us all
12/30/20 The myth of Texas
A vaporous cloud
Formlessly rises upward
I watch from up high
The first raindrops land
Spattering on the dry dust
Like tv static
I flip my book closed
Receding beneath the roof
The fickle sky weeps
The land flat and brown
I peer at the distant hills
So this is Texas
A flag hangs limply
The spitting rain stops again
I move the chair back
The meek sun beams down
Too softly to make shadows
On the damp terrace
1/2/21 The myth of Texas Part II
Late sun rolling in
Orange red and yellow walls
Blue gradient sky
Dim unlit corner
Closest to the twilight veil
Shadows quickly fade
The sun dips beneath
Now below the horizon
The parlor grows cool
The corners dimness
Swells to envelope the room
Night has fallen here
Alone together
Two friends drink spirits gayly
A candle flickers
Blue turns violet
Orange becomes an umber
Sirius appears
Pale bone moonlit eve
The still quiet air settled
So this is Texas
The Sea and Extra Planar Noise
3/8
On the sunless sands
Eerie peaceful pitch black beach
Dark figures emerge
Backlit wanderers
Like some grim dreary dreamscape
Slipshod procession
Stumbling towards me
Unidentifiable
Some mumble softly
I cannot hear them
The ocean drowns their voices
In tidal hymnal
3/24 A legend re-emerges from the beyond
Somewhere underground
An unseen man reappears
Surrounded by friends
Beneath and between
Overdressed and out of touch
I forget it all
Move towards the light
The vibrant scent of chaos
An escape from death
3/19/24 The noise shaman makes us believe
People sprawled on stairs
They listen to the machine
They pray while it breathes
In the concrete church
The brutal echoes swelling
A sound priest's sermon
Nodding heads; eyes closed
They hail holy mesmerist
He bathes us in waves
1/26 On Chasing and Giving up
Continuity
The ocean of otherness
Recedes before me
I run towards it
The space between us expands
I lie down and drown
Nature
12/21
Lantern in the fog
An Impermeable cold hangs
Midnight orange hue
Fresh snow; well traveled
Hewn with local fauna tracks
A restless darkness
4/12/24
My path to the train
Littered with magnolia buds
Soaking in puddles
4/16/24
On April sixteenth
I raked the twigs from the moss
And laid down to rest
6/19/24
The summer solstice
It’s 78 degrees
Eleven pm
In the cosmic shade
The plants and I are grateful
Sunlights absence
3/21/2020 (in the woods behind the necc library)
In the brisk sunshine
The marshy brook to my left
The birds chirp and flit
The man in the wood
A proficient wanderer
Captain aimlessness
Celestia
2/7 The stars are lovers stolen by the Moon’s siren call
I wake in the night
To your familiar bare back
Your dark unlit hair
sitting up restless
I walk toward the veranda
Cool tile underfoot
Through the precipice
Beneath arcane tapestry
I soliloquize
The gilded moonlight
Unspoken umbral lover
The ancient orb calls
Velvet canopy
A great harem in the sky
Helpless, I ascend
Wait! My love! You cry
Your hand lassos my ankle
Balanced on the rail
Silver siren foiled
The sky will not gain a star
You are my tether
3/5 Twilight Finery
I’ve met gods tailor
Who stitched the heavens and earth
With a divine strand
Unknowably fine
Imperceptible to men
What joined these two realms
Once disparate lands
Now the textiles of gods cloak
One lines the other
Immaculate robes
Which she dons with reverence
For her evening walk
7/24
Eighty in the dark
I pass through microclimates
Listen to wildlife
Where my body ends
A mystery in this air
I feel transcendent
Apart from myself
I run nude beneath starlight
I feel eternal